5-Hour Energy (12 Months or 7 Days)
WARNING: This video contains 12 months, not containing 7 days. Viewer discretion is advised. Transcript Month 1, June 8th (an alarm clock buzzes) JACK PAUL: I don't wanna get up, and I don't wanna go to work. (heads downstairs) I hate mornings. Great, I have 20 minutes, (passes coffee) but no time for coffee. (opens a cupboard revealing a bottle of 5-Hour Energy) Hello, my friend. ANNOUNCER: Can't get it together in the morning? Try 5-Hour Energy. It's simple, effective, and unlike coffee, it's ready right now. No waiting, no hassle. JACK PAUL: (heads back downstairs with a business suit) Let's do this. ANNOUNCER: 5-Hour Energy: The no wait, no hassle way to a great morning. (after text "Aftermath" shown, Jack Paul is making a copy of a 5-Hour Energy bottle) JACK PAUL: Like it? (staples his copy) Month 2, July 4th (alarm clock buzzes) JACK PAUL: (noticing the calendar says it's the Fourth of July) Oh man, July? I hate Fourth of Julys. (heads downstairs) I have a fine problem. (passes coffee, then opens cupboard) Okay, then. Before I can celebrate the amount of fireworks on the Fourth of July, I need to start drinking this. ANNOUNCER: Celebrating the Fourth of July? Try 5-Hour Energy, now with a new firework flavor. JACK PAUL: (heads back downstairs with a business suit carrying fireworks, then checks watch) What? 7:00 PM? I hate PMs. (scene cuts to outside at night, lighting a bunch of rockets on the ground) There, that oughta do it. (as the rockets launch into the sky, an image of 5-Hour Energy is shown) ANNOUNCER: 5-Hour Energy, a great morning on the Fourth of July, now with a new firework flavor. Month 3, August 16th (alarm clock buzzes) JACK PAUL: Is it just me, or is the sun too hot from out the window? (heads downstairs) Instead of just having 5-Hour Energy, (passes coffee, then opens cupboard revealing Pure lotion instead) why not have lotion? ANNOUNCER: Feeling too hot for the sun? Try Pure Lotion. It helps you keep the sun away from the window and not very sweaty. JACK PAUL: Okay, (puts lotion on his nose) if I'm big enough to dive into the water, I'm sure everybody's having fun. (jumps on diving board) Cannonball! ANNOUNCER: Pure Lotion. Keeping the sun away for a hot summer day. Month 4, September 7th (alarm clock buzzes) JACK PAUL: (gets out of bed revealing a rock underneath it) A rock? Under my bed? (heads downstairs) I hate mornings. Still need 20 minutes? (passes coffee) No time for coffee either. (a bunch of carpet delivery guys came in) New carpet, huh? We'll see. ANNOUNCER: (as the carpet delivery guy removes a rock under the bed and puts a carpet on the floor) Can't get it together in the morning? Try calling the carpet crew at Empire Today. A new carpet will be waiting in my room, but hurry, no monthly payments or installments expired for 60 days. (the carpet crew exit the house) See, not bad. Call Empire, the carpet king. JINGLE SINGERS: 800-588-2300: Empire! Month 5, October 31st (alarm clock buzzes) JACK PAUL: Oh no, Halloween? (heads downstairs) I don't really think I like this. (passes coffee) Not to mention if I can't drink a whole pot of coffee. (opens cupboard revealing 5-Hour Energy in the first aid from earlier) Alright, where's my costume box? ANNOUNCER: Can't get it together this Halloween? Try 5-Hour Energy. It's simple, effective, and unlike coffee, it's ready right now. No waiting, no hassle. 5-Hour Energy, the no wait, no hassle way for a Halloween night. (after text "Aftermath" is shown, Jack Paul is wearing an alien outfit) JACK PAUL: Now to give some candy to these humans. (picks up a bowl of candy) Month 6, November 25th (alarm clock buzzes) JACK PAUL: (noticing the calendar said it's November) Aw man, it's November and it's over? (heads downstairs) I hate Novembers. (passes coffee) Coffee's boring! (opens cupboard revealing a bottle of 5-Hour Energy in the first ad again) How you doing? ANNOUNCER: Can't get it together this Thanksgiving? Try 5-Hour Energy. It's simple, effective, and unlike coffee, it's ready right now. No waiting, no hassle. (sees Jack Paul carving a turkey to humans) Happy Thanksgiving, Jack Paul! 5-Hour Energy, the no wait, no hassle way for a Thanksgiving weekend. Month 7, December 20th (alarm clock buzzes) JACK PAUL: (sees Santa climbing on the roof) Aw great, it's Christmas. (heads downstairs) I hate Christmas. Great, Santa's here. (passes coffee) I hope there's no room for drinking coffee. (opens a present for a gun full of Christmas wrapping) Hi there, wrapping gun. ANNOUNCER: Can't get it together this Holiday season? Introducing the new gun full of Christmas wrappings. It only shoots things like vehicles, trashcans, buildings or people. (Jack Paul shoots wrappings at Santa) SANTA: (collapses on the floor) Ow, the pain, the irony! It hurts! I really need more presents. JACK PAUL: Ugh…do I really have to get more on the Nice or Naughty List? ANNOUNCER: The new gun full of christmas wrappings. Offer expires January 2nd, available at the Gun Store. Month 8, January 2nd (alarm clock buzzes) JACK PAUL: I don't wanna work out this morning. Is there some log against sweating at 9:00 AM? Get in shape, who needs it? (heads downstairs then passes coffee) I need coffee, no. (opens cupboard revealing a bottle of 5-Hour Energy again) Hey there, buddy. ANNOUNCER: Want to actually feel like working out for a change? Try 5-Hour Energy. It's quick, simple, and just the thing to help you get up and moving. JACK PAUL: Let's do this. ANNOUNCER: 5-Hour Energy, feel like working out for a change. (after text "Aftermath" is shown, Jack Paul is at a bar) JACK PAUL: Aw man, all this working out is tired to be thirsty. (opens a lid of root beer, then drinks it) Feels like a night out for 5-Hour Energy. Wait, what the hell is this? This isn't 5-Hour Energy, it's root beer! (drinks root beer again) Month 9, February 15th (alarm clock buzzes) JACK PAUL: Am I still drunk? Yep, still drunk. (heads downstairs) My mouth tastes like vomit. Is it beer before liquor? (passes coffee again) Yep, can't keep you down. (opens cupboard again) What's up, bro? ANNOUNCER: Too hungover for coffee? Try 5-Hour Energy. It's ready to go, you'd probably won't throw it up and it tastes okay! 5-Hour Energy, the no wait, no hassle and okay tasting way for a great morning. (after text "Aftermath" is shown, Jack Paul notices the bar is closed) JACK PAUL: What am I going to tell my sponsor? Month 10, March 17th (alarm clock buzzes) JACK PAUL: (reveals it has Arhold's clothes on) These aren't my clothes. How did I get home? I'm full of pain. (heads downstairs and passes coffee) Coffee sucks! (opens cupboard yet again) Thank you, merciful lord. ANNOUNCER: Last night of getting in the way this morning? Try 5-Hour Energy. It doesn't ask questions or judge you, based on your life decisions. JACK PAUL: (heads back downstairs in normal clothes) What's happening to me? ARHOLD: (steals his clothes away from Jack Paul) Hey! Those clothes are mine! ANNOUNCER: 5-Hour Energy, the no wait, no hassle and okay tasting way for a great morning. Month 11, April 8th (alarm clock buzzes, Jack Paul reveals laying down in the bathtub instead of a bed) JACK PAUL: Oh no…for real. (heads downstairs) I have a serious problem. (falls downstairs and passes coffee then opens cupboard) Whew! Refreshing. ANNOUNCER: Nothing left to live for? Try 5-Hour Energy. The only thing standing between you and the bottomless pit of loneliness and despair! JACK PAUL: (heads back downstairs once again) Maybe this is why she left me. ANNOUNCER: 5-Hour Energy, the no wait, no hassle and okay tasting way for a great morning. Month 12, May 10th (alarm clock buzzes, Jack Paul reveals laying down behind the door) JACK PAUL: Aw man, I can't believe my wife went away. (passes coffee once again) Well, at the very least remainder for coffee, (opens cupboard once again) for 5-Hour Energy. (tries to drink) ARHOLD: (bursts the door open) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! JACK PAUL: What's your problem, dude? ARHOLD: You don't know? 5-Hour Energy will kill you. ANNOUNCER: Can't get it together in the morning? Try 5-Hour Energy. It's simple, effective, and unlike coffee-- ARHOLD: Enough!!! JACK PAUL: What?!? ARHOLD: Dude, you have been repeating those same ads over and over again! In like, many days? JACK PAUL: Yeah…many days. And for this afternoon at a 2:30 feeling, I'm gonna take another one, and I'm gonna be… (stomach growls) I'm gonna be… (barfs and collapses) Weird…very, very weird. ARHOLD: (lies down on floor) Jack Paul! Are you okay? JACK PAUL: (coughs) I'm sorry, dude. I've tried to drink some of this 5-Hour Energy, and the narrator is so annoying, it's because you're a…lucky…business person. (barfs again) ANNOUNCER: 5-Hour Energy, no 2:30 feeling because now you're dead. Category:12 Months or 7 Days Videos